Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The Wedding

As I mentioned in my Weekend Recap, the wedding on Saturday needs a post of its own. I am going to preface this by saying this:

If you are looking for a sweet and sentimental post about weddings, love, and family, you should not continue reading. Go ahead and leave my blog, I won't blame you.

And this:

My cousin and his wife owe my (and his) family an apology.

Okay, so you have chosen to continue reading. Let's get started.

My cousin was head over heels in love with a girl in December. Right before Christmas, they broke up. By the end of January, he is engaged to his now wife. How exactly does that happen? this girl and him have worked together for a few years. He is 20 years old, and she is 28. When we received the announcement, we knew right away that we wouldn't be seeing a lot of my cousin (who has always been family oriented) and that she didn't mesh well with our family.

In June, at a family reunion, they were both there, but we were never introduced to her. She never said anything to us, and my cousin barely spoke to his mom. I will not mention the church or the religion on this blog because I do not want to offend anyone because I do not understand it and I will not try to understand it, because after sitting through the despicable wedding ceremony, I do not agree with their beliefs. I say this with all due (if any) respect.

My mom and I arrived at the wedding dressed very nicely, even if we were showing a little bit of cleavage. My mom was able to hide hers better, but let's face it, when your cup size isn't within the first 6 letters of the alphabet, it is hard to hide them. Let the stares and glares begin. My aunt warned us that everything would be backwards. Okay, no problem. The ushers didn't even "usher" us to our seats, they just led us to the pews. We had overheard in the atrium that if any guest arrived after the starting time, that they would be locked out and not able to attend the ceremony. Weird.

The processional consisted of 4 songs that were sang by members of the church. The songs had great lyrics, but the singers were tone def. Only one had even the slightest potential. I am not saying this to be mean in any way. I know I am not the best singer, but I know how to carry a tune. The wedding starts and the first 30 minutes were a flat out sermon that was indirectly pointed at my family. The preacher condemned anyone that wasn't a member of their church/religion. He spoke about what great people my cousin and the bride were. The congregation even let out a few "amens" and other choice phrases during the entire ceremony. There was even a lot of applause and hollering. The preacher spoke about the trends in "shacking up" and the perversions of the homosexuals. My gay cousins were sitting right next to us. We know it was directed towards us because the night before, everyone involved were very friendly, kind, and welcoming of my family.

Then, it finally, it was time for the vows. Okay, I thought, here we go. Its time for something traditional. My cousin goes first and the vows take at least 5-8 minutes. No joke. The vows had maybe one or two sentences that we all recognize in wedding vows. ("Do you promise to keep yourself for her and only her?", "Will you support her and provide for her?") Then, I heard words come out of the preachers mouth that my cousin was to agree to and I couldn't believe my ears. My cousin had to agree to be the "weaker vessel". Those words were actually used. What about "partnership" and "honor"? I just couldn't believe it. He even had to agree to do everything in his power to make sure the bride could stay at home to be a mother once children came into the picture. The brides vows lasted about 4 minutes. Her biggest promise was to "keep a clean home". Can you believe this? This was the first wedding I have ever been to where nothing was mentioned about, love, honor, relationship, partnership, and marriage.

After the ceremony, my family and I were walking out and the stares and glares continued. My cousins left because they were so offended and my mom and I have never felt so offended. It takes a lot to offend me and I felt terrible. I also had a feeling that someone had messed with my head. Like I was being "brainwashed".

At the reception, there were very friendly servers to bring us our food and drinks. My mom and I were seated with my great aunt and her family and we had a unobstructed view of the head table. The bride continued to stare at me the entire time. There was no alcohol either, and that's okay. But there was also no dancing. None at all. The couple opened there gifts and thanked everyone except my mom and I. I know this because I was watching as they opened them. We were talking with some other members of the family and we all agreed that we couldn't get out of there fast enough. Even my cousin's older brother couldn't wait to leave.

I think we ended up staying for about 1-2 hours total and we said our goodbyes and left. I can't go into much more because of the personal details I try not to disclose on my blog. Let's just say that the only word I can use to describe this experience is "disturbing." I felt terrible for the children, even the 9 year old that was staring at me the whole time.

Many times, members of my family (including my gay cousins) have mentioned how they all thought that this cousin was gay. I have never entertained that thought until Saturday. Why? Because he never took anything seriously the whole day. Not his vows, not the reception, not the ceremony, nothing. It is not possible to be so in love with someone and a month later so in love with someone new that you are engaged. You don't have to agree with me here, that's okay. I knew that this relationship was a rebound. A lot of people knew that. But, there are a few of us that take it a step farther and believe that this was a cover up and a distraction. I am not sure if he understands just what he has committed to. All I can do is hope for the best.

He called his mom that night to make sure that she was okay. (they have always been really close). She told him the ceremony was pretty, but she was really disturbed. And that was the end of the conversation.

When I got home, I felt so offended, dirty minded, and filthy, that I immediately took a shower. I even washed out the beautiful curls I had because I felt so gross and let me tell you, that water couldn't be hot enough.


Gwen said...

Okay. I must know more details!!! I feel bad for you all. You should never leave a wedding and feel grossed out. That just sucks. XOXO

Ashley said...

UGH that sounds terrible!!! HOW RUDE!

Julia Cates said...

It's great that Hilary Duff and Mike Comrie are officially married. Both was lookin awesome for their wedding. Thanks for share
wedding songs

Mrs. S. said...

Holy cow! That sounds intense...and odd. I'm sorry that you were made to feel like crap. No one should have to deal with that. I'm surprised you stuck it out as long as you did! Hopefully he will open his eyes one of these days and figure it out.

AG said...

wow! I wish I knew you in real life and we lived closer so we could have lunch and I could properly listen with shock and awe as you tell this story. Because that's kind of what I was doing while I read it and I could only imagine the details! Sorry you had to endure that. But I must say the last line made me laugh out loud. "the water couldn't hot enough:"...hahaha.