Thursday, November 5, 2009

Reflections: My Love Life

"If winter is slumber and spring is birth, and summer is life, then autumn rounds out to be reflection. It's a time of year when the leaves are down and the harvest is in and the perennials are gone. Mother Earth just closed up the drapes on another year and it's time to reflect on what's come before."--Mitchell Burgess, Northern Exposure, Thanksgiving, 1992

Prepare yourself, I am about to reveal just how much of a loser I actually am. This is really embarrassing, but I have to get this out of my head.

I haven't been on an actual date in 3.5 years. Yep, bad, I know. I am a loser. My ex, D, and I broke up after 3.5 years together (long distance I might add). That was over 3.5 years ago. February is when we broke up. We both had decided that we were growing apart and wanted different things at the time. It was amicable, but really tough. We had actually discussed marriage a few times. That was weird, and we both agreed that at the time, we were too young. We were both still in school then too.

Well, after we broke up, I discovered that he had started dating someone new. Two months after we broke up, it was official. Strange, huh? We had agreed to not date anyone exclusively for about 4 months, out of respect for each other. Well, we can see that this didn't happen. He and this girl are still together. (I know her too, and I think she is great, by the way.)

Anyway, back to me.

There is this guy, a friend of mine, that wanted to date exclusively, but I wasn't ready. I enjoy the time we spend together (which is less often right now due to personal obligations we both have). He is a great guy, good looking, well read, smart, funny, etc. I might add though, that he is a kind of a nerd. But in a fun way. He is the only guy that has actually taken me out to dinner a few times. We hang out together at movies, dinner, his house, and it's fun. I really enjoy the time we spend together. About this time last year, I told him that I was interested in seeing where it would go, if he was still interested. We both agreed to keep it casual for the time being. (we both have a lot on our plate right now). That's cool.

There was a guy I met at my cousin's bar 3 years ago that I thought was pretty cool. Smokin' body, fun, nice smile, but totally ADD. I swear I had to repeat the same things at least 7 times for him to finally pay attention. Plus, he was a really bad kisser. ugh

So now, here I am: still single, and tired of looking. I don't want "Mr. Right" at this point. I just want "Mr. Right Now". Someone to spend my time with. Someone to hang out with, to have fun with. It is so sad for me to tell you all this and put it out there so openly, but this is what is going on right now.

There is a guy I have my eye on, but to pursue it could go terribly wrong. (He doesn't know either, at least, I don't think he does...) I have considered asking people I know to fix me up with people they know, just to see who's out there. I don't like bars too much, so meeting someone there is rough. Hey, my aunt and uncle met on a blind date. It could happen.

This is completely pathetic and sad. I can't believe I haven't been on a date in 3.5 years. I miss it. It hurts to think that D moved on and is happy (and so quickly, I might add), and I am stuck in a rut and very unhappy. People all around me are either married, or in relationships and it makes me a little jealous. I want a man to spend my time with. I have to say that I am happy for those around me, I truly am. If only it would happen for me.

So, I have stopped looking and am just going along with my life. If something happens, great! If not, damn. Anyway, I am sorry that this is a really sad and terrible reflection, but I needed to get it out of my head so I can move on.

Happy Thursday!

PS--Big day tomorrow for me. Stay tuned....


Lin said...

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. And, I know exactly where you're coming from. Before I met my hubs, I hadnt dated anyone in years (& he had just broken up w/his ex). I think I just got really lucky by meeting him cause it was online & on accident.

I know you've heard it before but I'm sure you'll meet your Mr Right or Right Now in no time. You're a great chick & any guy would be lucky to be able to spend time with you. I also think it's a great idea to have your friends fix you up, you never know, you might meet him on a blind date *fingers crossed*.

Good luck!

Mrs. S. said...

You are a wonderful person and I am sure that Mr. Right (and even Mr. Right Now!) is out there waiting for you, too!!!

AG said...

I can relate to this entry. And I think it's important to articulate your feelings in whatever form you want. The thing I've learned from my experience is that we all have to enjoy the journey and remember that the good stuff is worth waiting for.